Very few couples begin their marital journey saying "Oh well, if this doesn't work, we can just start over with someone else." On the contrary, they are totally dedicated to each others' needs and excited to make their union successful and prosperous. They are in love and looking forward to a wonderful future. Couples are intent on solving problems by first meeting their partner's needs and then their own. But what happens?
The cares of life begin to insidiously creep in and put a wedge between the two partners. Life stressors including money problems, in-laws, schedules, physical illness, and family demands become overwhelming. Coping skills once found useful to solving problems are now found to be lacking and they become very "I" centered, vs. "us" or "you" centered. If couples cannot find a way to solve problems together that take into account the "us" they will slowly move toward criticism and contempt. At this point, couples often come into marriage counseling.
In marriage counseling, couples learn how to collaborate together to learn new coping skills, boundaries and problem-solving skills. They find a new "we" and "us" in their partnership while simultaneously being able to nurture themselves. Most importantly, marriage counseling can help couples find a new meaning to the concepts of love, nurturing, and life-long partnership.
